All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
