1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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