OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
