we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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