So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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