If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
