I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
