I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
