Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
