Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
