Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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