Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We named our party play list daddy issues
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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