ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
