my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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