I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
