my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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