oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
