Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
