I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
