She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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