I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
