Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
