His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
