i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
