Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize