Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
