i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
