I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
