Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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