Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
