He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
