just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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