The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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