I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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