Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
