; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
