eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize