So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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