Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
