I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
