the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
