I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
