never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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