Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize