Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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