my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
