her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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