I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
