I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
