so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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