We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
