I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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