By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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