The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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