Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
