Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize