3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
