3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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