NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
