Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
