Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
