i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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