If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
