took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
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